What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Do you think some men have sex with prostitutes because they're too afraid to talk to women? Money does the talking for them.

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

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And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Make Nazis afraid again!

Why do all the stupid people think Donald J. Trump is stupid?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

How can a hacker damage me, realistically?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

TEXT:

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

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After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

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Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

During the Atlmark incident in 1940, the Brit war criminals violated Norwegian neutrality. Hitler could then justify invading Norway. Have the Brits ever apologized for violating Norwegian neutrality?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Why can't my adopted sister accept she is not part of my family because she isn't related? Why can't she stop calling my parents mum and dad?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Is there a way to remove tar from my lungs?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

If an abortion doesn’t affect you, why do people make it a big deal?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

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Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!